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The Real Reason We Race!

Yup, just look to the right! That's why we race baby! It's not for the chicks or the money or the glory...nope, it's for the POWDERED SUGAR DONUTS!

I remember back in the old days when I was like 9 years old and I could buy a bag of powdered sugar donuts and just HAMMER THEM! I mean I could DESTROY those cute little puffy things! Back when I was 9, I was always hungry and I only weighed like 46 pounds!

Now, all I have to do is LOOK at a bag of powdered sugar donuts and I gain six pounds. What the hell happened? What cruel trick is it of nature that we are born impervious to the dark side of the powdered donut, only to lose that ability as we age?

However, all you have to do to gain your consequenceless donut eating ability once more is to start XC skiing (or running...my friend Chris and I wiped out six generations of donuts after Grandma's marathon this year).

I keenly remember invading cheap gas stations on the way to Biwabik, Ironwood, Thunder Bay, or some other such distant, exotic location. Inside, we'd scour the aisles for those brown boxes of Mikey's donuts (the ones with 4 powdered sugar, 4 chcolate and 4 unidentifiable brown donuts). Of course, the powdered sugar ones would be the first to go (because they were the best) and then the chocolate ones (because those were pretty solidly good too). However, usually you'd just throw the box down under the seat or something with the 4 weird brown donuts in it. Those would only be consumed a couple weeks later after some disastrous training sesion in which you bonked so hard you were trying to suck nutrients out of pine cones on the way back to the car.

Usually on those occasions you get to your vehicle seeing flickering images of Obi-Wan Kenobi telling you to go to Degobah, and as you crawl in and start searching the cushions for some old bits of cookie or maybe some gummy bears, you find those damn brown donuts. By this time, they've been in the car for a couple weeks and have frozen and unfrozen a dozen times, thus altering their chemical structure, but you don't care in your weakened state and you just destroy them...you eat like you've never eaten before and after painfully swallowing down those surprisingly sharp, crusty, brown topping edges (whatever the hell they are), you gain just enough strength to drive to the nearest McDonald's or whatever else is the closest approximation of food.

Ahhh....starvation! It's why we ski baby, and it's so rare that we really and truly get to experience it.

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1 comment:

  1. There should be a warning on the packaging about the hazards of accidentally inhaling the powdered sugar! I must admit though, I always have been a fan of the brown crusty ones, what ever that crusty goodness is...