The Forbidden Ski Knowledge--Cyclops 2.2


What ho! Seekers of the forbidden ski knowledge! Welcome to issue 2.2 of the Cyclops, the universe's best XC skiing (and running and biking when the season is relevant) bi-monthly e-mailer! Do not fret since the forbidden ski knowledge will be revealed to you during the course of this document, but you must be patient since forbidden knowledge must always be handled with care.
As I sit here in my humble little hut made from leaves, candy wrappers and ice, sitting beside the tower ridge ski trail, I can't help but reflect on how happy I am that it's no longer sixty degrees below zero...at least for the time being. You know, when you go out skiing and it's sixty below, you just kind of get through it. Sure, it's still fun...but it's changed to that kind a fun the starving lumberjacks used to have when they trapped and ate live squirrels in the great North woods. It's that kind of lazy eye, shrieky laughter filled "fun" that is accompanied by four inch fingernails and pulling ones hair out until there are large blood spots on the scalp (I'm not saying that isn't fun, I'm just saying there is a time and a place for it).
But when the mercury goes up above 20, it's a different kind of fun. It's more like "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" kind of fun. The kind of fun that babies look at and giggle. The kind of fun that deep down, on most days...I prefer (as weak as it might be to admit that).
As always, it's been a HUGE month for us at CyclovaXC. The months just keep getting bigger and bigger! Soon we'll be having an entire year of February (which will be awesome)! But until that day comes, there's still time for you to jump on the CyclovaXC train. Our ski suits have been fluttering out the door like little faerie butterflies. There are still some available however, so if that little ember of desire is still burning in your heart, get off your butt and sign up for a suit (here's the original and now legendary first article which gives images of the suit with sizing and ordering information). The sizes we have left are: Lime (1 XL, 2 M) Olive (1 XL, 2 L, 2 L-Long, 2 M, 1 M-Long).
We also have hats available for sale. As with all things CyclovaXC, they're awesome, so go out and buy one, heck buy ten! Buy a thousand and then give them away to charity and write it off!
The next few weeks are when things become critical. Can you believe that in just a little over two more editions of the Cyclops, we'll be doing the Birkie! Imagine! Fortunately you'll be well prepared because YOU'VE been reading the Cyclops, so you are privy to the forbidden ski knowledge all skiers desire and few people achieve. Let me give you the summary now:
1. Rich Hoeg and MinnSki.com
I met Rich Hoeg at the Twin Cities championships. He had a Gopro action camera strapped to his head, so I just had to chat with him and see what kind of pictures that thing took. Click the above link to see them yourself!
2. Having Fun with XC skiing
Every now and then, Frank likes to go back to the roots of Cross-Country skiing. It'll be good for you to read this...do it, do it now!
3. CyclovaXC Ski Hats Available Now!
To model the ski hats, I drew a face on a melon and put the hat on top of it. In the end, as you probably can guess, I was unable to eat the melon because it was too much like cutting open the head of a good friend (strange...that never stopped me before...)
4. Ski Tech: A Spa For your Skis Part I and Part II
Andrew Johnson shows us how to make a ski spa that will undoubtedly drop your race times by 87% and send you catapulting towards the Olympics.
5. Ski Tech: Cold Weather Waxing
If anyone knows how to cold weather wax...it's Frank!
6. How to Stay Warm in Cold Weather
Talk about forbidden ski knowledge! I mean, who'd even WANT to stay warm? Sheesh....
7. Ski Area Profile: French Regional Park
More great places where you can go and hammer yourself into oblivion if you want to...thus approaching the forbidden ski knowledge.
8. Weather Widgets
This details my battles with stupid free widgets that are in abundance on the internet (because they all suck)!
9. Tim Tams for the Ski Trail!
If you've never had a Tim Tam, well...they're available in Chippewa Falls, at least for the moment. Otherwise you have to go to Australia where they consume approximately 200 billion Tim Tams a year.
So that's it, our fantabulous set of articles for the last couple of weeks. This is a short edition because the onset of 2010 warranted a bit of recovery time.
As to the forbidden skier knowledge I was going to tell you...well, EVERYONE who is a skier KNOWS you can't just TELL somebody the forbidden skier knowledge. That's a knowledge that has to be earned! It's the kind of desperation you feel when you realize at 8 AM that your skis are not properly waxed for the race you're about to do, so you frantically redo them on the spot (inhaling vast amounts of fluro gases in the process)...it's the kind of feral hunger you can only feel when bonking in the middle of the race, the kind of hard bonk that causes you to scavenge dregs of GU from the used packets that clutter the battlefield...it's the kind of insanity you partake of by playing American football on a frozen lake at midnight while drinking whiskey out of a colostomy bag.
It's the forbidden knowledge! How I love it so!



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