Pounding the Orange Juice


Damn it! Here we are having all these nice spring days where it's a cool and beautiful 75 degrees, the sun is shining, and everybody's out riding their bikes or running around with these six year old grins because they're so happy that winter has finally melted away...and where am I? I'm stuck in my house pounding orange juice because I'm sick as a dog!

GRRRRRRRRRR! This makes me FURIOUS!!!

First of all I've got that wonderful spring fever set of sinus eyes so it kind of feels like my brain is protruding through my nasal cavity in an attempt to squirt out of my eye sockets. This, as you can probably guess, provokes a stabbing pain and does nothing to help my foul humor (my poor wife has been getting the worst of that). The rest of the time I spend coughing futilely. It's sort of like my throat INSISTS that there's something clasping the insides which a good hearty belly-cough can dislodge, but after hacking and spitting and sputtering away long enough to make my eyes go red and my stomach to ache with the exertion...I feel EXACTLY the same way and have produced absolutely NOTHING!

Every day that is wasted I go to bed miserable and wake up in the morning feeling exactly 1% better. It's as slow and as agonizing a process as growing, and I hope the rest of you can avoid this spring malady. The only cure, as everyone knows, it to just POUND orange juice, and friends I've been POUNDING it! I'm putting the HURT to that stuff. Imagine Jessie James and Tiger Woods teaming up on one of their mistresses and you kind of get the idea of what I've been doing to orange juice (er...well, maybe not).

Anyway, stay healthy everyone, soon we'll be out pounding the pavement instead of the orange juice!

No comments:

Post a Comment