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Allan Shows Me Where He Put His Foot Through His Rear Wheel

The other day Allan came over (you all know who Allan is don't you) for what was supposed to be a leisurely bike ride.  Well, for those of you who know Allan, you know that this guy doesn't do just a "de-stress" casual bike ride in the country with a bit of chit chat and all that goodness.  Nope!  Allan likes to pound all the time.

So there we were, pounding away, when Allan noticed that Katie's bike seemed to be going kind of slow.  Well, I hadn't realized that this was one of those bikes that lived in the trunk of somebody's car with a resuscitation practice dummy jammed haphazardly on top of it (I made that up about the resuscitation dummy).

Anyway, apparently the bike got abused a little bit and somewhere along the line the rear brake caliper had gotten pushed over to the side so it was constantly dragging on the wheel.  Katie, however, hadn't complained in the least about this.  She was just pushing through it like a Nordic warrior (and when we removed the resistance you should have seen her take off!).

Well, as Allan was tinkering with the bike, he looked up at me and told me of some bizarre bike ride that he had taken several years back.  I believe it was down on some overpass on some four lane highway in Kentucky.  Allan had been riding in the middle lane drafting a sixteen wheeler (I'm embellishing was actually only a fourteen wheeler) when his cleat just spontaneously unclipped from his pedal.  

Now...apart from Eric Zabel, I've never heard of this happening to anyone...but you only have to talk to Allan for like five seconds to know that this is the kind of crazy stuff that's happening to him all the time.  Anyway, his cleat ripped out from his pedal because it had only been stress tested to like 10,000 HP and Allan was applying like 15,000.  So there was this enormous explosion of sound and fury, and then there was a crackling of plastic and pavement as Alan's Sidi covered feet were plunged into the butter soft asphalt or concrete (I'm not sure what the roads are made of in Kentucky).  Well, although Allan was leaving a trench behind him in the middle of the highway, he wasn't slowing down any, so he lifted his foot or something and the immense wind velocity caused his ankle to go right through the rear wheel of his bike (at exactly the point he's indicating in the above photo).

He told me all this with a quite sincere expression.  I was doubtful until we continued on our ride and witnessed Allan crash into two white tale deer and just completely red mist them without slowing down in the slightest (seriously, there was nothing left).

The next time I go on a casual ride with Allan and Katie in the rolling hills of the Chippewa Valley...well, I think I'll have to prepare the whole day with some sort of ritualistic massage, and just hope there's a level 7 shaman of the earth to put me back together if I ever come limping home.

Sheesh...I hope YOU'RE having some relaxing evening bike rides.

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