Online Solstice Chase registration is closed. Race day registration WILL BE available!

Please! No games of "Grab-Ass" on Team Rides!


Look!  I live in the middle of Chippewa Falls, WI.  Now, Chippewa Falls is a nice little sleepy town with a lot of great people, and there's even a pretty solid cycling community here amazingly.  However, all it takes is one guy in a pick-up truck who decides he doesn't like the look of a dude on a bicycle to make your life really miserable.


Honestly, I can only remember about 5 incidents in my life in which I really thought my life was in danger on a bicycle, and all of them were provoked by some dude or another (actually they were all the same faceless dude) who pulled up beside me and started screaming a bunch of profanities and questioning my manhood or whatever while I was out riding along.

Heck, I remember when I was riding along in a group ride when I was about 12, and this guy pulled up and I, being the sweet and innocent kid that I was, thought he was going to shout out a couple of words of encouragement.  So I started to smile and wave only to have him roll down his window and yell, "move over...get the @#@$%@#$% off the road!!!"

You never know what the deal is with these guys.  Maybe they're just having a bad day, maybe their wife just ran off with their best friend, maybe their pick-up truck rusted out or something.  Who knows?  All I know is that they need almost ZERO provocation to throw beer cans at you while you're out there riding.

However, what scares me to the very depths of my inner soul is that one of these hillbilly assassins is going to catch a couple riders playing "grab ass" out there, and that's just going to set his psycho dial right to kill.  These guys are looking for ANY excuse to start killing people...and they could appear at ANY time, so it's important to maintain a certain level of propriety.

Now, I know it's tempting to give a firm, Lycra coated bottom a little slap when you're out there pushing the pedals...but seriously, unless you're dating or married to the person you're slapping, it's kind of inappropriate!

Don't set off that scowling group of Neanderthals that have only just managed to establish the most tenuous truce with cyclists.  It's not worth it...there can be no games of "Grab-Ass" on the road.

Thank you!

No comments:

Post a Comment