Watermelon: Nectar of the Cycling Gods!


I tell ya...nothing's better than finishing a ride and then just destroying a watermelon.  The first part of watermelon awesomeness is that they're so similar in size and weight to a human head.


Seriously, I think chopping watermelon up is a perfectly legitimate reason to own a Samurai sword.  You can just HAVE AT that thing with little bits and pieces flying into the air in all directions (it's cathartic).  But make sure there is a "safety zone" because...well, you know.

But you don't even have to limit yourself to edged weapons when destroying a watermelon.  It's GOOD for you to just smash one up with guns, or with a mallet, or with your bare hands.  Heck, you could grab the watermelon off the table and wrestle it to the ground and gnaw on it and try to spark some subliminal memory of when you were a caveman or something (subliminal memories like that are extremely soothing and healthy to release).

The best part of all this is that it's CHEAP and it's LEGAL!  If Michael Vick had discovered watermelon abuse, he would have never gone to jail for dog fighting.  If Jessie James and Tiger Woods had discovered it, they'd still be happily married now.

And the absolute best part about this is after you're done taking out all the left-over repressed anger (that you didn't burn up on the bike ride) out on the watermelon, you can EAT it.  Yeah!  You can crawl around the yard and pick up all the little bits and pieces and mangled, dangling bits of red flesh and you can STUFF them all into your face!

Watermelon is AWESOME because it's exactly what you need after a bike ride.  I don't know about you, but I get BORED with drinking all that darn water.  It seems like I gulp down gallons of that stuff, and you just have to keep drinking and keep drinking and keep drinking it.

However, if you hydrate in the form of eating watermelon, you can consume several gallons of water without hardly even noticing it because it's so darn entertaining.

Until now, the only drawback that I've perceived in watermelon is that it doesn't go real good with beer (well...that's what Frank says...but I haven't experienced that problem).

Watermelon ROCKS!

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