A Team Viewing of "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" Was a Mistake

Folks, in these long autumn days when there is a hard chill in the air, but no sign of snow, it's important to keep up team morale.  To that end, I though it would be fun to have a team viewing of some goofy movies.  With that premise in mind, how could you not select a film titled "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" which has recently been made available on DVDexpress (it's Halloween so it was relevant).  Clearly a film pitting Abraham Lincoln against vampires is going to be a goofy flick with a bunch of death defying stunts and awesome ax-wielding right?  What could be better for getting yourself psyched up for the upcoming ski season?

But...ungh...this movie was bad.

Really bad.

Sure there were a couple nice scenes where Abraham Lincoln cut down a two-foot diameter tree with one chop, or crashed a steam engine down a ravine when a giant trussed bridge burst into flames...but for the most part this movie created a new definition of the word...AWFUL!

And look, I tend to like really awful movies (just ask Micah), but even this one was too high up on the awfulness meter to lend me any enjoyment (well, I did like the ax twirling, and Lone Wolf's comment that the guy, "had to practice that for hours," it really is kind of ridiculous when you think of the time this guy spent getting good at whirling an axe over his head like a flaming baton).

But the weird problem with "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" was that it took itself waaaaay toooo seriously....

Folks...you're making a movie about Abraham Lincoln as a Vampire Hunter!  This premise is a JOKE!  You can't pull the rug out from under our feet and resort to a bunch of heart to heart discussions between Lincoln and Mary Todd over slavery and socioeconomic toll that horrific institution puts on society!

I'm just really disappointed.  "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" had a lot of promise.  But that's the last time we do a team movie night for a film I haven't seen yet.  From now on, it's only classics like "The Great Escape" and "Rocky" (or anything with Christian Bale).

Fortunately we saved the night by watching Machette after this atrocity, and by eating a bunch of donuts.

I can only hope that throughout the rest of the ski season we can gain some entertainment by reflecting upon how tremendously, awfully, cataclysmically bad "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" was.  I'm going to make it a running joke until I feel I've recuperated the 2+ hours of time I invested in watching that piece of trash.

The good news is that there is now snow at Troll Haugen for cross-country skiing in the early morning.

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